Boulders

My friend just turned 30 last weekend. And he and his wife had their first in December. These two grand (and overwhelming) milestones are coming up for me and my wife in the next few months. It got me thinking—how did I get here? And where do I want to go from here? I have experienced many challenges and a few successes in my 20s. I’ll discuss those in this blog, but today, I want to talk about my boulders. When I say boulders, these are my big rocks. They are my why, dictate my how and my what in life.

Before I get to all that, I want to share a little about myself. I’m Tony, and I have been trying to figure out this thing we call life since I started in the workforce about 8 years ago. I am 29 and live in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada, with my beautiful wife and rambunctious Golden Aussie.

I want to be the best husband/dad/person I can be.

Everything after is rooted in this non-measurable, ever-evolving, ever-changing vision. I have some theories about what this might look like, but trust me when I say I do not have it figured out.

So… 30 and having a baby. As these major lifestyle events are approaching, I have been thinking about what it means to be the best husband/dad/person I can be now. I think a lot of the groundwork for these goals has been laid ahead of time in my boulders:

Being Present
You may have noticed that this blog does not include links to social media. In my early to mid-20s, I struggled with social media addiction. I used to spend hours and hours scrolling and lived in a state of constant distraction. I loved the social aspect of social media, but it stole my focus, time, and attention. About three years ago, I read Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport, and I completely removed myself from all personal socials (Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat at the time). I am proud to say that I am still off of them today, with some, but not many, relapses along the way. I still struggle to be genuinely present today, and I am still working on it, but I have seen dramatic improvement in this area, and I want to talk about how I got here. This is one topic I will revisit while writing this blog, as it is one that I will always hold near and dear.

Since reading that book, I have learnt so many interesting things that I have put into practice from Cal Newport’s podcast “Deep Questions”.

Enough
My journey with what it means to have “enough” started after I graduated from university. I had about $30k in student debt, and I was renting one bedroom of a three-bedroom main floor of a house with two other friends. The best job I could find at the time did not guarantee full-time hours, and in my first year, I made about $40K before taxes. At this time, one of my close friends shared the book 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss. Within this book, there was a reference to an old Mexican proverb that I still love to this day. Here it goes:

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.”

The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats. Eventually, you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this take?”

To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

This led me to think about what my: “sleep late, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, stroll into the village each evening to sip wine and play guitar with my amigos.” would look like. Living in Canada, we need to think about life in seasons, and we can’t live the same way each season.

So for me, it is something along the lines of:

• I wake up early and have coffee and a pot of oats with my family. -In the warm seasons, we walk around the neighbourhood with our dog and our kid(s). We take naps, read books, work on projects around the home, explore the city, and live slowly.
• In the cold seasons, I focus on helping other people accomplish their goals and finding what is enough for them. I still have time to focus on family first, and I do my best never to miss any important days or events. This is the time of focus and productivity.

And one other thing to add: Today is the first blog post I have ever written, so go easy on me; it will get better.